I cant be anymore speechless ..

I say that i'm over it , but im not. i say that i dont like you anymore, i still do . It hurts to see you with someone else. The way you looked at me today, the way i looked at you just brought me flashbacks when we were still us. it didnt last long, maybe only like a month ? but the first few weeks i was picked up by you . i liked some guy in the beginning of the year, & he totally wasnt interested & i was hurt. but YOU picked me up back on my feeet, & showed me something that no other guy has showed me before, EFFORT . You made an effort to always keep me happy, to make me trust you, to make me like you & i didnt appreciate ANY of it. All the things you did for me. I blew you off when you were about to ask me . How heartless can i get ? & Now , i pay the price . Watching you 'love' her. I just want to ask you if you miss me, if you miss us. It hurts, why are you two working out, but we didnt? It seems like youre more happier than her? Why ? I feel as if i regret letting you go. I dont want to say anything because i dont want you think im jealous or that i want you back . So many unanswered questions ): i just want an answer ..

No one appreciates the shit i do for them , so dont expect shit from me .

divorce ,

"Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent's marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage."

Its difficult , to not only see your parents divorce , but to see the second marriage divorce. Its difficult to see that my half sister, will have to be in my footsteps experiencing what i had to. Its difficult to go through days not knowing where youll be going . Whether its moving in with other family members, or renting a house in a bad economy. Its difficult to hear that theres a possibility to leave a house that you truly fell in love with over the past year and is settled with it . Its difficult to see your mother, under a whole bunch of stress , and is constantly getting migraines. Its difficult to see that youre taking up more muscles to frown than to smile . Its difficult see that the man that your mother once loved, didnt take the effort to stop drinking. Its difficult to see a divorce, & I'm just here waiting to go through the whole process all over again .. Dont worry Mom. I have your back and ill support you. Alyssa dont worry, you still have me & i will show you what a big sister is .