Killing me softly ,

What to do what to do . I'm so lost , i dont know what to do . Its like a big part of me just lost itself . I dont understand why its been so long. I dont understand why it just wont come back . Is it giving me hints that im not wanted anymore? Whats going on ? Its like a whiplash of downfall . Bad thing after bad thing. Tears every night, more frowns than grins. Why ? Why cant i just be happy ? Why must i put on a fake smile all the time to keep from people asking me whats wrong ? Why cant THAT person ask me . Do they not have a clue ? Do they not want to ? So many questions to ask , yet none can be answered . So many things to say, yet cant be said. So many things to do , yet cant be done . Why ?! Why is there a limit . Why must i have to wait for the change , for the different routine. Why cant it just be over and done with . I'm not making sense , because this whole problem , is just a big jumbled mess filled with the unanswered . But all i can really do is just sit here , doing nothing . absolutely nothing. Waiting as the days go by , counting the days. Waiting for a call, text , IM , or whatever. I'm not sure what to do . An involuntary feeling inside of me . I feel as if i should be the bigger person once again , and just say something and talk to you . But i cant . I'm forcing myself, yet its killing me inside.